Sunday, January 20, 2008

Boch & Sabes, Act II, Scene I

Spring Training: Boch in uniform; Sabes in shades, Panama hat, polo shirt, and ban-roll waistband slacks.

Boch: (hollering to SL) Attaboy!
Sabes: Who's he?
Boch: Frandsen
Sabes: Who?
Boch: Frandsen
Sabes: What's he play?
Boch: Second base.
Sabes: Durham's on second.
Boch: Not today.
Sabes: Let me get this straight . . . I-don't-know-who's on second.
Boch: Yep.
Sabes: (pointing) That's Richie!
Boch: Yep.
Sabes: He's on third.
Boch: Today.
Sabes: Not tomorrow?
Boch: Not tomorrow.
Sabes: Today.
Boch. Today.
Sabes: Who's tomorrow?
Boch: Frandsen.
Sabes: Who?
Boch: Frandsen.
Sabes: You mean I-don't-know-who?
Boch: I do.
Sabes: (angrily) Just answer the question!
Boch: Yep.
Sabes: Yep what?
Boch: Yep, you-don't-know-who's on third.
Sabes: Third?
Boch: Tomorrow.
Sabes: Tomorrow?
Boch: Yep.
Sabes: And today?
Boch: Second.
Sabes: (pointing) What's his name?
Boch: (cupping ear) What?
Sabes: Don't get smart! (gestures emphatically) Him!
Boch: Ortmeier.
Sabes: Oh, yeah.
Boch: First base.
Sabes: I can see that! (cell phone rings, he answers) OK. (snaps phone shut and re-holsters) That's Baer.
Boch: Who?
Sabes: Baer!
Boch: Oh, yeah.
Sabes: My boss!
Boch: Yep.
Sabes: Yours, too.
Boch: Yep.
Sabes: (furtively) We got a deal cookin'.
Boch: (brightens) A power hitter!
Sabes: (aghast) Dammit, Bru, we TALKED about this! Pitching! Defense! Speed! That's how you win in the NL West!
Boch: (crestfallen) But were gonna need some homers.

Crack of the bat offstage. Boch and Sabes watch the flight of the longball, eyes fixed, heads arcing in unison.

Boch: Attaboy!
Sabes: Who was that?
Boch: (grinning) I-don't-know-who.
Sabes: (mouth open, shocked speechless)



Ron said...

Although I find your hypothetical conversations very creative & entertaining, I find it notable that Bochy appears to have his head somewhat screwed on, while Sabean doesn't have a clue about anything. I tend to think that they are both clueless & off in space somewhere. We would be much better off with a wholesale change in upper management. I'm looking for Omar as Player/Manager with some up-and-comer taking over as GM. Any names?

M.C. O'Connor said...

I figure Bru is a pretty grounded fellow, maybe not the brightest bulb in the room, but a steady 40-watt fluorescent. Bri is a 3-way 150-watt incandescent, with two of the three filaments already snapped. You rotate the switch, but the illumination never changes. He's obsolete, and about to be landfill.

The Dodgers were fools to dump Paul DePodesta in favor of Ned Colletti. I'd give DePodesta a shot (he's a an assitant to Kevin Towers in SD these days). He has a Beane/Moneyball pedigree, and was born in 1972. Youth, modern sabermetric outlook, actual GM experience. Not to mention sticking it to our rivals.

Zo said...

Maybe we could lure Omar Minaya away from the Mets. Then we could have an Omar/Omar combo.

M.C. O'Connor said...

Omar: What is that, yellow?
Omar: Hey, we still need a 3rd baseman!
Omar: Where's my shades?
Omar: Hey--on task, here, pal!
Omar: Come back with your uniform on, hermano, I can't talk to you in that outfit.
Omar: So I don't like those cheesy grey suits of yours. Is that a problem?
Omar: Yeah. Actually, this BASEBALL, not rock'n'roll.
Omar: Hey the chicks did my style so get over it.

(sorry, couldn't help myself)