Matt Cain is a fucking animal. That was filthy, beastly beastiliness in Phi-town tonight. Matty re-found that post-season mow-down mode and set the red-clads down. It was great. The Giants played Giants-ball. They got all old school Dead Ball like they like to do and scrapped and scratched and kicked and clawed and won themselves a fecking ball game. Last night? Well, last night was a "syphilitic goat turd" as my mate JC so aptly put it. But tonight? Tonight? Tonight! It was pure G-ball, baby, pure Bay Ball, pure as Virginal fookin' Mother's milk ball (they can do that, I know, I seen it, seen it all through the blue haze of the fuming incense stencher, laddie bucks, aye, I did, but that's a tale for another time, eh?). Pure as fucking baby snot, me bukcos, that's the G-game, that's how it is done, that is some defending bloody fracking championship ball. I was in a public place, a publick house no less, quaffing me bloody god-damned hard-earned bloody pints when Eli bloody Whitesde ran into Matty in the 8th and cost the team a runner and eventually a run and I slammed my hand on the table like a bloody fat-arsed frat boy, calling attention to meself and all, uncharacteristic-like, you know, me being all so meek and mild like a god-damned bloody fookin' altar boy (which I was, yeah).
O My Brothers, that was a win. Bog and All His Holy Angels shined upon Your Humble Narrator while he was deep in his moloko synthmesc, and he's renounced the ultra-violence, takin' the cure and all, because of the religiosity and spiritualissitude, and that's the truth.
p.s. I'm not sure why I ever bother to be calm, rational, and analytical as the Giants did EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE of what I expected them to do, namely, trade Zack Wheeler for Carlos Beltran. Hey, I like surprises. This team never fails to surprise me. Pitching, fundamentals, and three-run homers. Maybe Beltran is that third leg of the Earl Weaver Triangle. I love it. It's brave, bold, and timely. He's a great player. Zack Wheeler might be the next MadBum or he might be the next Jerome Williams. I can't see how Beltran hurts the club in any way, and it sure seems like his bat will be a huge boost. The "difference-maker?" As if. (The NY Time crossword today gave the clue 'Valley Girl's pshaw' which was, naturally, 'as if.') No one bat--with the possible exception of Barry Bonds--is ever the difference-maker. No, that would have required getting Justin Verlander or somesuch to be the 5th starter. But it is a big pickup, make no mistake, and could just be that little extra Techron in the tank to help the lineup win another game or two. Beltran's our bhoyo now and I'm on board with it. A tip o' the tam o' shanter to Brian O'Sabes and Billy McNuke for the grand gesture.