When Robby Thompson was channeling Marco Scutaro long before Marco Scutaro was even a channel, I used to say "he's from another era." That was before we said things were "old school." You know, "old school" is great, it's one of those fabulous phrases that make you hip and hip-ly anti-hip at the same time, like so cool that you're too cool to care about coolness. "Oh, hey, whatchoo thank 'bout 'dat Ludacris, you know?" And you just drop like "oh, hey, I'm inta, you know, old school." And, you know, everybody's like "yeah, me too." That sort of street wisdom gets me out of a lot of awkward situations, you know what I'm saying? I mean, you have to have a repertoire, you know, otherwise what are people going to think? School up, yo, what I'm puttin' down is for reals. And it was for reals today at the old ball yard, and the Giants were like, dude, it's a party, we gotta, like, play? And Matt Cain is so old school he pitched a perfect game last season, something the Giants had not done in the entire 21st, 20th, and 19th centuries. Today, though, he gave up nine runs in one inning. That's right. He retired the first nine guys in order and then gave up nine runs and could not finish the inning. Old school? Damn right, it's old school, the last Giants pitcher to do that was in New York and it was in 1902. That is before they even had a World Series, man. The guy was Jack Cronin and it was September 27th against the hated Brooklyn Superbas. Of course, that Giants team really sucked. This one doesn't. But Matt "Old School" Cain can keep it all in perspective:
p.s. Hey, if you are going to fuck up, fuck up spectacularly. Look good winnin' and look bad losin'. You da man, Matty.
p.p.s. My lovely bride and I had a splendid trip to the Bay to see the Home Opener and friends and family. B & C: you rock for putting us up and showing us a good time. D & A: you rock for the tix and the ten a.m. bar table. RHL, you rock for the rendezvous. Z & A: you rock for the fabulous time. First, there was the "Dan-hattan." Then, there was the "Zo-tini." Kanpai!