Sunday, April 7, 2013

Matt Cain: Old School

When Robby Thompson was channeling Marco Scutaro long before Marco Scutaro was even a channel, I used to say "he's from another era." That was before we said things were "old school." You know, "old school" is great, it's one of those fabulous phrases that make you hip and hip-ly anti-hip at the same time, like so cool that you're too cool to care about coolness. "Oh, hey, whatchoo thank 'bout 'dat Ludacris, you know?" And you just drop like "oh, hey, I'm inta, you know, old school." And, you know, everybody's like "yeah, me too." That sort of street wisdom gets me out of a lot of awkward situations, you know what I'm saying? I mean, you have to have a repertoire, you know, otherwise what are people going to think? School up, yo, what I'm puttin' down is for reals. And it was for reals today at the old ball yard, and the Giants were like, dude, it's a party, we gotta, like, play? And Matt Cain is so old school he pitched a perfect game last season, something the Giants had not done in the entire 21st, 20th, and 19th centuries. Today, though, he gave up nine runs in one inning. That's right. He retired the first nine guys in order and then gave up nine runs and could not finish the inning. Old school? Damn right, it's old school, the last Giants pitcher to do that was in New York and it was in 1902. That is before they even had a World Series, man. The guy was Jack Cronin and it was September 27th against the hated Brooklyn Superbas. Of course, that Giants team really sucked. This one doesn't. But Matt "Old School" Cain can keep it all in perspective:
"The baseball gods find a way of evening things out."
That's it, it was the gods. It wasn't Matt's fault. Come on, that's like blaming Robby Thompson because he was from another era. The space-time continuum does not work that way. Trust me, I have a degree in science.


p.s. Hey, if you are going to fuck up, fuck up spectacularly. Look good winnin' and look bad losin'. You da man, Matty.

p.p.s. My lovely bride and I had a splendid trip to the Bay to see the Home Opener and friends and family. B & C: you rock for putting us up and showing us a good time. D & A: you rock for the tix and the ten a.m. bar table. RHL, you rock for the rendezvous. Z & A: you rock for the fabulous time. First, there was the "Dan-hattan." Then, there was the "Zo-tini." Kanpai!


Brother Bob said...

Funny story. I recently acquired a record player, haven't listened to my old vinyl in many years. S o the Giants game is going along nicely and I have a craving for Dylan, specifically "Sad Eyed Lady of the Lowlands," so I get out "Blonde on Blonde," mute the TV and kick back. I'm slipping deeply into Dylan mode, meanwhile a Cardinal gets a hit, then another, then another and so on. You will recall "Sad Eyed Lady" is a long song, in fact it comprises an entire side of the 2 disc album. It became strange. I knew something was going terribly wrong for Cain, but it just seemed amusing. I love Dylan. Saw him live once, not "back in the day" exactly, I'm thinking 1985.
Anyway, I'm thinking that's the last time I play a Dylan record while watching a Giants game, okay?

Zo said...

I seem to remember the Cardinals scoring about 9 runs in an inning when I was freezing in the bleachers one night at Candlestick with Jon. On singles. I think it was 1982.

M.C. O'Connor said...

Cardinals give up 9 in the 9th to lose to to the Reds. Baseball is crazy! Man, I love this game.

Box Score

nomisnala said...

I remember being at Shea Stadium and Juan Marichal who had never lost to the Mets pitched his usual 5 spectacular innings on his way to what looked like a classical Marichal shutout. Only thing was the 6th inning happened and Marichal was shelled. Never found out exactly what happened. The rumors had it that his lower back started having spasms between innings, but he insisted on coming out and starting the 6th. Whatever happenned it was similar to what happened on April 7, 2013 to Matt Cain.