C'mon Giants, you're making it tough on me. That was a damned depressing display last night. The Astros are the worst team in baseball (88 losses!) but are 3-1 against the defending champions. What's up with that? The Giants have scored 12 runs against this collection of call-ups and have allowed 20 runs in the four games. Let's see, let me get the Windows calculator going here, and the NumLock key, OK, let's see, uh, divide, and uh, OK, clear, divide again, that's an average ass-whuppin' of 5-3 this season by the Houstonians. And to top it off the only game the Giants won took eleven innings. Now I recorded this little message to myself and I play it over and over again, you know, the one that goes there's over a [insert time frame] of baseball left and there's six games against the D-backs left and they are only [insert GB] back so no reason to get upset blah-blah-blah. Like I said, you know which one. I tried to soothe my jangled nerves last night with that message and it didn't work. Of course, I drank a lot and passed out on the couch. I did wake up to see the 9th-inning rally (a Beltran lead-off single). Then I went to bed. I really don't want to spend my evenings pickling my brain in order to stave off my despair over the frightening collapse of the club. The Giants were four games up on July 28th after taking two of three in Philadelphia. Since then they've gone 8-18 and lost seven games in the standings. It's like a big budget movie ("Repeat: The San Francisco Story") that went straight to video after a couple of bad reviews. Actually, it is worse than that. It's like a lottery winner pissing it all away on yachts and sports cars and then having to beg his friends for cash to make the mortgage payments on his mansion. Wait, that sounds really dumb. OK, fine. No comments from any of you unless you can come up with something better. The Giants going 8-18 and watching their season fall apart is like . . .
And they have to be funny and original and pithy with inside jokes and hip cultural references and cool enough for BoingBoing. Now get to work, you slackers. I'm tired of doing all the fecking typing around here.