Sunday, May 24, 2009

This is why I don't read the paper

Did you know the Sporting Green is green again? Not the kind of green that evokes images of PhoneCo's vast and beautiful outfield. More like public school bathroom green. But hey, it's something. Today I'm reading the Sporting Green, actually holding paper in my hands, the words embedded in newsprint, a strange and dated ritual to be sure, but a comforting one. Except for today, because here's what I read (Henry Schulman 5/24):

General manager Brian Sabean, acknowledging that the Giants need to acquire a hitter, said Saturday he is active in trade talks and, in a significant departure from his long-held philosophy, is willing to acquire a player who will be eligible for free agency after the season.

We need a hitter, Brian? Well, hello. We needed hitters last year. We needed hitters this off-season. We needed hitters in Spring Training. We need hitters right now. Wow, Bri, glad you noticed. And "hitter" should be plural, pal. Did he really believe this lineup would be better than it is? This lineup is doing just what we expected it to do, fer chrissakes! What scares you more, that Brian Fookin' Sabean just noticed that we are a little short in the hitting department? Or that he's "ready to deal"? Deal? This guy is the fookin' Willy Loman of deals! He's dead, he just doesn't know it yet.

O, Despair, thou art my mistress.

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